Monday, October 22, 2018

Drug Addiction Destroyed Our Family part 1

Drug Addiction not only destroyed my family but almost my relationship with God
Part 1 in a series of 3

On the last blog post on this subject I will provide
links for information and help and also share the some common yet not well known signs of drug use. If you need this information now, please contact me or leave a comment and I will contact you. 
Actually it does kill the addict!
Do you know how many times I  have written this post? Four times! I keep starting over and over and than I delete.

I do realize this topic is not something that can be covered in one post, so I will make it a series and should be able to cover it in about 3-4. That is the sad fact about how this affected our family.
Oh, it wasn't just my husband, kids and myself. It started out that way but as the years and years of this sad secret problem went on the pain branched out to many others. I call it "drugs the gift that keeps on giving".

Another problem that usually goes hand in hand with drug use is the ultimate clashing with the law. Oh boy there is no hiding that from the world. Some folks are polite and let you know they know and some are downright nasty and cannot wait to see you in the grocery and tell you they heard your sad news. These days its on the news even little things. In the papers and Facebook flashes your kids mug shot for all to see.  You can almost hear them on the phone retelling your horror.

Our story of drug addiction involves our son. Our only son. About 18 years ago our lives started to spiral into the worst pain, confusion and anger that you can only imagine. I hope you never have to feel it. Our son became involved with drugs as far as I know at 15. I do think he started smoking pot at 13. His first arrest was 16 and that was for an assault. Luckily the other participant was over 25 and well known to law enforcement so a good lawyer got the felony bumped to a misdemeanor.

Let me tell you this though, when you are sitting in a court room waiting for your kids hearing to start and the judge comes in we all stand than sit. The huge bailiff with the gun walks to a door on the side of the room, the door opens and another bailiff comes out but in front of him is your child. He is not only in an orange jump suit but this hands are cuffed. Your not surprised but than you notice he is walking funny. You crane your head a little higher to see over the gate in front of you and you see he is not just hand cuffed. Those handcuffs have a chain that hangs down wraps around his waist than drops down again and hooks up to shackles around his ankles. In case you don't know and I hope you don't, shackles are cuffs for the ankles. He is 16, he is beautiful, he is your boy.   That was the beginning of the end.

As a matter of fact, we haven't stopped

In our case our son looks like a young child. He is skinny has very short hair and wears thick glasses. Later he told us the other prisoners asked if he was in for computer crimes. The other inmates that day were older and a lot bigger.

Our son is sitting in prison at this moment he is 33 years old.  Actually in the Panhandle of Florida where hurricane Michael destroyed almost everything in its path. The prison was in its path. We don't even know at this moment if he is ok or not. The prison has illegally not reported all the damage and the injuries. The prison was badly damaged. The news has reported non of this. My calls have gained me no knowledge. If my son is able to call, he wont call us as we no longer speak.

An addict eventually has to inject the pills to maintain a high.
When that is not enough they have to use heroin and other drugs

We did not know our sons drug addiction or even that he had a drug addiction was ongoing in his teens. He hid it well, they all do. Oh he mostly smoked pot and if he did pills we didn't know about it. I don't believe at this time he was doing a lot of pills but than again what did I know. When we caught him smoking pot we started drug testing him. At first weekly than only if we had a curfew broken or other behavior that indicated that he was smoking. We busted him once with the test, grounded him took away activities permanently such as being able to go skate boarding where pot was available.

He did great, passed every test after that and seemed to be doing well. Little did we know again that cleansing kits could be purchased by youth and they would test clean.

My sister in law had a neighbor that had a tree trimming service. He hired my son and our nephew to help clean up after the brush. This worked out well. He started hanging our near home and basically left his friends I worried about. There was another family that visited this young couple, they had a little girl and they loved to fish, hunt, 4 wheel all those boy things. After meeting them and feeling they were ok for  my son to be around he began to go fishing with them and hunting. He really liked them. According to my son and the couple they not only didn't do drugs they didn't even drink. We were even told the man was involved in a conservation effort in our area. Yeah, poaching deer we find out later.  This my friends I later learned was a load of crap. This man not only introduced him to alcohol, pot and drugs, but to stealing fighting and breaking the law any way you wanted. The first fight and subsequent arrest my son had at 16 was at the urging of this man. I learned a very hard lesson. Please take heed. Your child has no business hanging with an adult for extended periods of time. We thought he was safe, in good hands and with mature people who cared for him as much as we did. We tried to stop this relationship but it went on behind our backs. My son eventually married into this crazy family. A whole basket of crazies with a lust for drugs, drinking and breaking the law.

 My husband went out and bought thousands of dollars worth of hunting and camping gear and leased land in another state for 3 yrs so that he could bond with him and try and save him from the road he was on.  It didn't matter, later on my son would sell those hunting rifles bows and gear to buy drugs. Eighteen years ago rehab was a joke. The courts didn't offer it the way they do now and even now the rehabs usually turn you down if they think your using them to get out of jail time. They did my son anyway. Our government insurance did not cover it and when we offered to pay cash (that we didn't have) they said they would only take him if he volunteered. Yeah fat chance!

A couple more years go by and he isn't doing too bad. He said he wasn't using and he didn't seem like he was. He graduated high school and worked.

When he was 17 we were able to move to a better neighborhood and thought we were doing good with him.

What happened next rocked our world and everything unraveled all at once.

He was out with his friend one night and we were in bed. Late that night a pounding at our door woke us. Before I even opened the door I knew something was seriously wrong and my son was at the center of whatever it was.

My hair stood on end, my stomach lurched and I opened the door. Several very pissed off looking cops were on the other side. My first words were, "is my son ok"?  They came in and a detective looked my in the eye and said, is he here? When that was settled they began to tell us he had been involved in a serious crime and they couldn't tell me what sort of crime and they HAD to find him  NOW.

He has been involved with a home invasion and a robbery as well as an assault. What, What the hell are you saying. When we here home invasion we think of poor Mr and Mrs. Jones. But that isn't the case in the drug world. Actually most home invasions are drug related. Drug addicts and drug dealers rob each other. Happens all the time. Our son was almost 18 at this time.

It took a day to find him and he turned himself in. Next was the worst few years of our lives. Long story short. He was in jail for almost a year, he plea bargained for 5 years probation and time served. He was so lucky the DA wanted  years. He was 18. The extremely expensive lawyer helped reduce charges and since his victim was a know drug dealer the DA went along.

It took him 8 1/2 years to serve that 5 years probation. He was in and out of jail the whole time. Finally he was placed on house arrest. It was than that he ran out of state as he was smoking pot and knew he would test positive. It's harder to fool your PO than your mother.

You must think what the hell was wrong with you people, ever hear of tough love.
This was our son, we loved him we felt somehow responsible. If we kicked him out he would surely get worse and die. He had counseling, drug classes, anger management. No stone was left unturned to help this kid. My husband even started an HVAC company while still working at Patrick AFB so that he would have a future and be able to take care of himself and a family. But we soon had to close that due to the drugs. He wouldn't show up for work, when he did he was high.

this is not our home. But, this is what I opened my door to one day. This is
standard procedure. 

While he was in another state a fugitive we were watching TV about 5 pm and a knock came at the door. I got up to answer and no one was there. I thought I must have heard something else and as I went to close the door a hand appeared and threw open the door. I damn near peed my pants and screamed. A swat officer showed himself and yelled where is __________. I looked in my yard and it was full of swat in full gear. They were everywhere. My husband came running to me and yelled there is a swat team in the back yard.

Now picture us mouths open, pale as milk and about 40 swat members in our yard and home looking for our child yet they would not tell me why. They disappeared as quickly as they came. Can you imagine what our neighbors thought. We never knew as we never left our house other than to go to work and straight back. I started smoking in the house as I didn't want to even sit on my porch.

We hid as much as we could from my in-laws. They were elderly and not well and we knew if we could barely handle it, it might seriously harm them. We didn't really talk to friends about it. We covered for him. Every friend we had drew away from us and I can understand that. It's too hard to see friends throw their lives away trying to save their kid. We were extremely depressed, our marriage was in the toilet and who wants to be around that?

I will close for now, above is a lot of writing and truthfully I need a break from it. I need a drink is what I need, lol. 

Next blog will go into how we tried to save him, how that didn't work. Losing our home our marriage and relationships with our other children. My failing health, 2 brain surgeries, more drug abuse and finally, finally the tough love and how it didn't work. I will tell you now he eventually marries has children, loses children, wife in jail at the same time he is and how he threatens to kill me whenever he does get the chance to talk to me. 

Please contact me with questions. there is a place for it here. Also leave a comment so I know your out there, lol. 
Just incase the contact option fails and with computers you never know. 
email me at:

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